in my cold loneliness

I read my words to you

written so long ago.

(I had forgotten how long ago).

They were like embryos

grown and left for other shores.

I held them in my heart

and cried for the lost children,

the shadowed mantel

I draped around your light,

and for the black blindness

of my wanderings

lost to love and sight.


Naked and offered

to the dark snow

wanting no more.

How did I think

that I could walk

this world without you?

The icy knife of my anger

ripping our hearts.

Closeness closed me,

the sun deserted me

husk and safe.


Easy to be safe.

To lock the door

and hide under the bed

instead of opening upon it.

Forgetting how hurt spreads,

escaping under wood and key

to poison pure air.


Asleep in a cloud of unknowing

I have missed your dreams.

Twisted inside of my skin

I have missed your touch.

Safe inside of my shell

I have missed your mystery.


Tonight in my cold loneliness

I saw a fire in a forest,

an ocean glittering with sun,

a candle burning by a jar of roses

and warm spring in your eyes.

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